Monday, August 25, 2008


I tried to clean-up around the house today. Cleaning house with a toddler is not easy. Actually, it's pretty much impossible. First I had to start with the couch slipcover which one of my beloved furry beasts had thrown up on in the night. As I'm removing the slipcover, I pull out the swim noodle like pieces that are pushed down in the crevices in order to keep a snug fit. Linus sees these immediately, grabs one, and takes off. I pause for only a moment to consider the damage he could do versus the fit he would throw if I took them away. The choice is obvious, he keeps them. This has the added bonus of distracting him while I finish the slipcover removal and toss it into a laundry basket.

I then stupidly think that he may be distracted long enough for me to vacuum the other couch and chairs. I get out the vacuum, plug it in, and before I've even turned it on, he's ripping it out of my hand while making an appropriate vroom-vroom sound. I trudge on, wrestling with Linus and the vacuum while quickly swiping it over the couch. I'm hoping to move on to the chairs when Linus decides that he could use the vacuum as a push toy and begins walking off with it in the opposite direction. So ends my vacuuming attempt. I manage to distract Linus enough that I can put the vacuum back into the closet without too many tears.

Still hoping to get some cleaning done, I pull out the good old broom. It doesn't make noise and since Linus is in the living room, I'm hoping that I can be just stealthy enough to sweep the dining room. I get about 1 square foot complete when I hear the rumble. Linus comes plowing in on all fours with his head down in a fashion that resembles a ram (the position he uses when he needs to move fast). He immediately latches on to the brush bristles running his fingers back and forth. I wait patiently hoping that once he's thoroughly explored it I can resume my sweeping. No such luck. He starts trying to yank the broom out of my hands. Releasing his death grip, I free the broom and quickly rush around the dining room, sweeping up any major dust bunnies. I work fast since Linus is hot on my heels. I manage to shove some of the dirt into the dust pan and scoop it off the ground mere seconds before Linus reaches for it.

Feeling slightly successful, I decide to try a bit more sweeping in the living room. This time I opt for the hand broom thinking its small size may help conceal my plans from Linus. I peek over at him. He is browsing a book by the piano. I silently squat down onto my knees and begin the dust bunny exodus under the couch. I peek again, and he is still reading. I move a bit quicker hoping to be able to sweep under the other couch too when I feel it. A 20 pound creature is climbing up on my back like a jockey onto a horse. I've been discovered and so has my broom. No more sweeping.

In a final attempt to get some form of housework done, I decide to sort a load of laundry. Dumping the clean clothes from over a week ago onto the bed, I take laundry basket in hand and head over to the hamper. I'm in the bedroom and hoping that Linus won't notice that I disappeared for a moment. He notices and this time walking upright journeys over to the basket and starts pulling dirty laundry back out. He grabs a few stinky t-shirts and heads for the hallway. Depositing the t-shirts in the hallway, he heads back in. This time I grab him, carry him into the living room, and sit him down with a book. Before I've even gotten two more items sorted, he's back and dispersing more dirty laundry. I try the distraction technique again only this time with a favorite toy. Yep, no dice. He has now spread dirty socks, pants, and shirts everywhere and I'm frustrated to the point of tears.

Luckily, our hero upon hearing my distress sweeps in to save the day. Adrian comes down the stairs telling me to forget about the laundry, he'll take care of it tonight. He takes Linus, orders me to breathe, and sweeps off into the sunset nursery to change Linus's diaper. I don't know what I'd do without my hero husband. Now if only I could find a hero to sweep the floors as well.


Susie said...

You should have heard me trying to make dinner tonight - what is about chores that turns a toddler into a complete menace?!

Maybe you could tie some swifter cloths onto the cat?

Lesha said...

Oh thank goodness my house is not the only one! That sounds like the exact scene any time I try to use the vacuum/swiffer/mop/broom. I'm considering buying a vacuum toy or old broken vacuum just for Gaius so I can possible get some cleaning done when he's around!

corrie said...

This is precisely why I rarely even attempt housework while Lily is awake. It takes three times the energy to get a third of the work done. Bill is a much better multitasker than I am, but I also think Lily gives me a harder time than she gives Bill. Good for you for making the effort!

Chelsea + Jonathan said...

I had a professor last year who said that getting a housekeeper to come a couple times each week saved her marriage and parenting sanity. :)

Of course such things are probably much cheaper in Kansas?

canape said...

And upon reading this, I'm going to get off my tush and quit using "naptime" as "computer time". I have some cleaning to get done . . .