Friday, July 18, 2008

The Should-Be's

Individual. That word has become my mantra throughout this journey of parenthood. Constantly, I have to remind myself that my son is an individual. He will roll over, crawl, walk, talk, potty train, et al in his own good time.

Of course, this mantra is easier said than believed. There is no shortage of information out there to remind me what "most" babies are doing at any given stage. From the blogs I read to discussions with seasoned mothers to books written by experts, everyone tells me what Linus should be doing now. Of course, it's not even the expected milestones, it is also the thumbsucking and napping schedule. According to one so-called expert, 90% of babies give up thumbsucking by their 1st birthday. That's not one we'll be checking off anytime soon.

With all these should-be's, it's no wonder everyone thinks that the stage their child is in the midst of is the hardest whether it is infancy, toddlerhood, puberty, teenagers, or empty nesters.

That's why I've decided to add a new mantra to my daily chantings, "It is not any harder, it is just different." This was advice shared with us by a wise friend. I don't even recall who, but it has stuck with me. As Linus moves into toddlerhood and on, I hope to keep this calm perspective and focus on his accomplishments and not on the should-be's.


6 comments:

corrie said...

Well, Linus is saying "duck," and Lily probably "should be," but she isn't. Like many of her developments, she likes to tease us by trying out a new skill and watch us get all excited, only to recant and wait weeks or months before demonstrating it again. Such is the way with "duck." And "momma." So far her vocab has a limited repetoire of "Daddy" and the occasional pig noise (when she sees either a pig or a cow). She probably "should be" saying more words, but what can you do? We're trying patience on for size -- a developmental skill all my own!

P.S. My hairdresser shared those wise words "It doesn't get an easier; it just gets different," and I wrote that in my blog a while ago. Could that be where you heard it? Or perhaps that is a more well-know saying that I thought!

abbyjess said...

Corrie,

We must have read it on your blog or at least heard it from Bill. Adrian is the one who constantly quotes it to me. Of course, it was altered a bit. I think I prefer the more optimistic (?) version that it doesn't get any harder but that's just me.

I'm positive that Lily is waiting to speak until she has complete sentences to share. With parents as smart as her's, I'd expect nothing less. :)

Kelly Jernigan said...

I know how you feel - it really is true that each baby is an individual & will do things in their own time, but you can't help but compare to everything you see, read and hear. Linus is probably one of the cutest darn babies I know, and it will all happen in good time. Until then, he will just continue to charm people with that cute smile. By the way, the picture with this post is priceless - I love it! Those moments are the best...

Anonymous said...

Oh Abby, Abby, Abby...if Linus reaches age 18 is still not verbal, not potty trained and still sucking his thumb...then we will worry. Until then enjoy everything this little miracle does or doesn't do in his own good time. We adore him just the way he is! Gramma B.

Anonymous said...

p.s. also think you should know we think you are a great mom. gramma & grandpa B.

canape said...

Amen. Great advice.