Tuesday, July 27, 2010

Insanity is hereditary - you get it from your children.*

Last night...

7:15 PM -  Kiss Linus goodnight. Daddy stays to rock and sing two songs.

7:25 - Daddy emerges saying, "He's not out yet."

7:26 - Linus comes rocketing out of his room in full on giggle-screams.

7:27 - Scoop him up and remove one of sixteen stuffed friends. (The consequence for getting out of bed.)

7:29 - Linus comes rocketing out of his room in full on giggle-screams.

7:30 -  Scoop him up and remove second stuffed friend.

7:32 - Repeat again and again and again.

8:10 - Mommy and Daddy begin to stress as this process is taking it's toll on their mental stability and stuffed friends are running low.

8:12 - Daddy removes keystone bedtime friend - giraffe pillow.

8:13 - Hysterical screaming, throw down fit begins.

8:20 - Parents attempt to reason with three year old. (Yea, I know.)

8:30 - Linus is calmer. He is placed back in bed.

8:32 - Giggle-screaming, run-outs begin anew.

8:40 - Exhausted and low on options, Daddy attaches doorknob safety feature to Linus's doorknob thus ending run-outs.

8:41 - Commence screaming and door body-slamming.

8:45 - Parents focus on breathing.

8:50 - Door assault continues. Mommy begins crying unable to withstand it.

8:55 - Parents bow to stress and begin blaming each other.

9:00 - Mommy is actually coherent enough to realize what is happening (at least in regards to the parental bickering) and decides to switch tactics.

9:05 - Jogging stroller is retrieved from attic. The hope being that Linus will be soothed by the night sounds and will slide off to sleep.

9:10 - Walk begins. It is noted that there is indeed a full moon in the sky. There is a moment of reminiscing over another July full moon night when the same two parents strolled the city streets hoping to soothe a colicky baby.

9:11 - Jabbering begins with nary a breath taken. "Where are we going?" "What's that I hear?" "What was that?"

9:45 - Strolling comes to an end as it is still 90 degrees with 90% humidity. Parents settle on alternative plan of driving him to sleep.

9:46 - Linus demands a different radio station. Obviously the classical is too soothing. Request is denied.

9:48 - Linus demands increase in volume of music. Request is denied.

9:52 - Linus demands decrease in volume of music. Request is denied.

10:00 - Linus requests Mommy's whispered conversation to Daddy be repeated. Request is denied.

10:05 - Linus begins screaming, "Where are we going?" His question is answered once through gritted teeth.

10:10 - Question is repeated again and again and again.

10:20 - Linus demands sunroof be opened. Request is denied.

10:21 -  "Why? Why? Why?" is shrieked until parents are figuratively pulling their hair out and Linus is literally doing so. (He twirls his hair when he's stressed.)

10:30 - A quiet finally begins to settle in the car.

10:45 - Linus finally passes out. Parents are left with ringing ears and frayed nerves.

11:00 - Linus is deposited in bed thankfully not awakening during transition from car to bed.

11:05 - Mommy hits the sack. Daddy seeks refuge in his Playstation.

And then...

6:25 AM - Linus awakens in full on crank mood already screaming, "I'm not sleepy anymore."

So begins the day.

THIS is why we are SO strict on bedtime. The child NEVER just wears out and he NEVER sleeps in.

*Quote by Sam Levenson in Diners' Club Magazine November 1963


Jessica said...

This is hilarious and terrifying because I know I will soon be in this same position. 2 year olds become 3 year olds last time I checked.

Jo from Dixie said...

All I can say is I completely understand and have been there with two older children and now my own 3-yo. It makes with crazy with envy when my friends comment on how late their little ones sleep in in the morning. Mine have always risen between 5 and 6am and I'm not a morning person at all. Hang in there, this too shall pass.

Nan Lujan said...

I highly recommend this light -- http://www.thinkgeek.com/geek-kids/1-3-years/cacd/?source=google_geek_kids&cpg=oggkk1&gclid=CJ_30LSdjaMCFQTXnAodW14YYQ

We have been using it for about a month and it seems to help Logan to understand the difference between night and day. He has been taught that he is allowed to use his night light (http://www.target.com/11307-Munchkin-Portable-Nightlight/dp/B002XMWILC) and read books or play with quiet toys, but he is not allowed to leave his room (which is closed with a knob cover and baby gate in the off chance he could get the door open).

When the light turns yellow -- he starts calling for me. If he wakes up before that, Scott goes in once, checks him for the usual suspects, and if all is well reminds him that it is still night night time. The longest he has ever cried at the door was like 15 minutes. He eventually gives up and goes back to bed.

We started doing this "check on him once" thing after the pediatrician told us we were making it too fun for him to be awake when he was waking up EVERY morning at 4:45AM.

Ilina said...

3 was awful for us in every way except for bed time. I'm exhausted reading your post. Hang in there.

Green Girl in Wisconsin said...

I thank God that this is one battle we've never really had at our house. I've seen my friends struggle with bedtimes and it looks SO exhausting. And there are never easy answers. Good luck!

Melissa {adventuroo} said...

OMG- I'm sure you were ready to pull your hair out. Big Roo goes through phases and when he started dragging it out, we said "if you come out of your room again, we'll close the door for 5 minutes." He HATES the door closed so after a few times he learned his lesson.

This past week, he hasn't napped and so he's so tired he's out in .25 seconds. I'm missing that nap though.

Hang in there! It'll get easier! (oh and I've heard awesome things about that tot clock thing another poster mentioned).

Marty, a.k.a. canape said...

So did you take the side off the crib?

corrie said...

We went through this for a little over a week. I am praying that it was just a phase, as it seems to have passed. I know exactly how exhausting and frustrating it is, so I feel for you guys!

Gram said...

he must be a little like his Gram. Make hay while the sunshines!

Izzy said...

Wow just by reading your post, i already feel so tired. I hope its all better now especially now he's schooling already..