7:15 PM - Kiss Linus goodnight. Daddy stays to rock and sing two songs.
7:25 - Daddy emerges saying, "He's not out yet."
7:26 - Linus comes rocketing out of his room in full on giggle-screams.
7:27 - Scoop him up and remove one of sixteen stuffed friends. (The consequence for getting out of bed.)
7:29 - Linus comes rocketing out of his room in full on giggle-screams.
7:30 - Scoop him up and remove second stuffed friend.
7:32 - Repeat again and again and again.
8:10 - Mommy and Daddy begin to stress as this process is taking it's toll on their mental stability and stuffed friends are running low.
8:12 - Daddy removes keystone bedtime friend - giraffe pillow.
8:13 - Hysterical screaming, throw down fit begins.
8:20 - Parents attempt to reason with three year old. (Yea, I know.)
8:30 - Linus is calmer. He is placed back in bed.
8:32 - Giggle-screaming, run-outs begin anew.
8:40 - Exhausted and low on options, Daddy attaches doorknob safety feature to Linus's doorknob thus ending run-outs.
8:41 - Commence screaming and door body-slamming.
8:45 - Parents focus on breathing.
8:50 - Door assault continues. Mommy begins crying unable to withstand it.
8:55 - Parents bow to stress and begin blaming each other.
9:00 - Mommy is actually coherent enough to realize what is happening (at least in regards to the parental bickering) and decides to switch tactics.
9:05 - Jogging stroller is retrieved from attic. The hope being that Linus will be soothed by the night sounds and will slide off to sleep.
9:10 - Walk begins. It is noted that there is indeed a full moon in the sky. There is a moment of reminiscing over another July full moon night when the same two parents strolled the city streets hoping to soothe a colicky baby.
9:11 - Jabbering begins with nary a breath taken. "Where are we going?" "What's that I hear?" "What was that?"
9:45 - Strolling comes to an end as it is still 90 degrees with 90% humidity. Parents settle on alternative plan of driving him to sleep.
9:46 - Linus demands a different radio station. Obviously the classical is too soothing. Request is denied.
9:48 - Linus demands increase in volume of music. Request is denied.
9:52 - Linus demands decrease in volume of music. Request is denied.
10:00 - Linus requests Mommy's whispered conversation to Daddy be repeated. Request is denied.
10:05 - Linus begins screaming, "Where are we going?" His question is answered once through gritted teeth.
10:10 - Question is repeated again and again and again.
10:20 - Linus demands sunroof be opened. Request is denied.
10:21 - "Why? Why? Why?" is shrieked until parents are figuratively pulling their hair out and Linus is literally doing so. (He twirls his hair when he's stressed.)
10:30 - A quiet finally begins to settle in the car.
10:45 - Linus finally passes out. Parents are left with ringing ears and frayed nerves.
11:00 - Linus is deposited in bed thankfully not awakening during transition from car to bed.
11:05 - Mommy hits the sack. Daddy seeks refuge in his Playstation.
6:25 AM - Linus awakens in full on crank mood already screaming, "I'm not sleepy anymore."
So begins the day.
THIS is why we are SO strict on bedtime. The child NEVER just wears out and he NEVER sleeps in.
*Quote by Sam Levenson in Diners' Club Magazine November 1963