Thursday, March 11, 2010

More on Having More

You all left such wonderful comments on my recent post regarding adding to a family. You all seemed so confident in your choice. I admire that. (Except for you, Susie. You just made me laugh. That's how I keep hoping it will happen- in an 'oops' kind of way.) I guess, when it really comes down to it, my greatest hesitation isn't in not WANTING one but in thinking we can handle another.

Lately, I just feel overwhelmed with all that needs to be done. I just feel so disconnected with my husband, myself, and my life. I have a terrible habit of doing, doing, doing for others and then eventually the "Hey, what about me?" jealousy kicks in and I fall apart. (It's not something I like about myself when it does, and that only adds to the mood.)

I really feel like the past two and half years have been about survival. I don't know if it's because I try to do too much, that it's just the kind of parents we are (and want to be), or if it's because we live far away from family that would/could provide help and support. (I know, Mom, that's what you'd like.) Maybe it's that I'm really not cut out for this mothering gig. I have never felt like we have a handle on things. We just have the illusion of control.

As I continue to ponder this, I'll leave you with my own mom's beautiful words which she only summarized in the comments. (I keep telling her to start a blog.) I hope she doesn't mind.

I just feel like you are way over thinking it.  While money  and me time have a place in you life I think the decision should be made based on what you feel in your and me time will fall into place as time passes.

After I settled into life with Drew I came to know that I wanted to again feel the joy of being pregnant ....the flutter of life, the middle of the night quiet with my baby and anticipation of what my baby would and could become.  Of course the first months and  for many years our life was busy and sometimes chaotic but I never regretted or resented a minute of it.

Our life was so full.........with little time to think of what else we could be doing......and now we have so many memories.

Now 33, 31 and 27 years later I look back and know that Dad and I made mistakes but I also know we did many, many things just right .....

I have never regretted or resented having 3 children.......I still wish I had had a 4th child!

Of course, a little more time with this cuteness and we may have to hop back on that baby train. Who knows? (You should definitely click over because that is a link to my brand-new gorgeous niece. She's all sugar, spice, and everything nice.)


Green Girl in Wisconsin said...

Your mother? Is wise. And loving. I wish I had a mom like you do.

Brook said...

Your mom is so sweet. I think she has always had a way with words much like you. I miss her and your dad and you too!

Miche said...

Your mom shared such sweet wisdom there :) Thanks for sharing it with us! Everything can be crazy and overwhelming, but someday, somehow, we will miss the crazyness when the kids grow up :) And then we can go crazy and take a cruise to Europe....hahahah!