No Winners Here

Why is it that people have to play the game of "Who has it harder?" It can start so innocently with a simple description of a night spent consoling a teething baby. A story shared not in the hopes of being one-upped but instead in the hopes of finding some understanding, some empathy. It rarely stays that simple though. Instead, the friend, neighbor, co-worker, grandparent, in hopes of sharing a camaraderie, feels the pull to share their own story of a night of teething plus an ear infection. That's how the game begins, and it ends only in both parties feeling unappreciated, unheard, and miserable. The exchange of stories not leading to a feeling of fellowship but instead a feeling of isolation.

This is not a game that is limited to parents either. In college, it was a story of who has more work and who was up later studying- 3? Well, I was up until 3:45. The game could also consist solely on personal choices. Just the mention of having a major in education brought scoffs from the engineering students.

Recently, I have felt the pressure to engage in this battle regarding the number of children in my family. The fact that we have chosen to have only one (so far) is ample target for parents of multiples. Snide comments about how we dote on him, have it soooo easy, or are able to work as parental team to meet his needs are regular occurrences. I'll be the first to admit that having more than one child has got to be harder than having a single. I don't deny it. However, does that make it appropriate to criticize my decision to have only one (whether a permanent or temporary situation)?

I admit that I am not innocent of this game. I too have felt the pull to share my stories, to scoff at someone's struggles. I have had to suppress giggles when parents of a newborn share their stories of being so tired. However, I know how unhelpful this is. These parents are just seeking someone to listen, to empathize, and that is what I try to be for them, what I want to be.

Being a parent (or college student or teenager or human) is hard enough. If people would spend more time empathizing and less time competing with (and dare I say dwelling on) their own struggles, wouldn't we be able to move forward to a more content state faster? Wouldn't we all feel understood and not judged?

And in the words of that lyrical poet, John Lennon, "You might say, I'm a dreamer, but I'm not the only one. I hope someday, you'll join us, and the world would live as one."